Summer Playlist

Hey Guys! Guess who’s gonna be back for the next few months? ME! Tomorrow is my last day of exams whihc means that I have just over two months of relaxation. However, with England being England, the weather is awful 😦

But I thought it would be nice just to upload my playlist for the summer. WARNING: this playlist will contain a LOT of BTS so if you’re not a fan, then just ignore those songs…

  • Dream Glow – BTS & Charli XCX
  • Love Shot – EXO
  • Shine – Pentagon
  • Blue Side – J Hope
  • Ddaeng – BTS
  • Want it that way – Backstreet Boys
  • Do it like a Dude – Jessie J
  • I like me better – Lauv
  • Mic Drop – BTS
  • Lucid Dreams – Juice WRLD
  • Without Me – Halsey
  • Nightmare – Halsey
  • My songs know what you did in the dark – Fall Out Boy
  • 8 – Billie Eilish
  • Ddu-Du Ddu-Du – Blackpink
  • Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen
  • Rocketman – Elton John
  • BITCH – Lennon Stella
  • Agust D – Agust D

Ok that’s a SNIPPET of my playlist (it goes on foreeevverrr)…

I hope to keep blogging at least once a week. Maybe tomorrow I’ll fill you all in about what has happened recently and what will happen.

Love you all,

Jay xx

her and Them (A poem)

So I was clearing out my wardrobe and I found this little book with a few poems. I read this one and I thought you guys might like it. WARNING: might be triggering! Jay x

She hides her tears with
pretty little lies.
Bad thoughts cloud her mind
and she can't sleep till 4am.
And noone knows, she smiles
she's ok, for a while.
But
when the lights turn off and
she's all alone.
She can't find a place to stay calm
so she turns to the last resort.
She closes her eyes.
And red falls onto the carpet.
But she tells everyone she's ok,
and smiles till the end of the day.
And then she's alone
with her self and Them.

Dear You (a love poem/song)

Dear You,
it's been a few weeks since we properly started talking
but it feels like forever.

we bonded over music and
somehow that was enough.

Now i can't stop thinking about You,
i can't wait for your messages.

i don't think I've ever felt like this,
not properly.

i wish i didn't have to hide my feelings
but i'm scared that if i tell You, You'll stop being my friend.

and i'd rather have a friendship than a broken heart.

Dear You,
You make me laugh so much and
i wish we could talk more.

but i'm scared that one day
You'll see the real me

and leave me.

that's why i'll probably never tell You how i feel.

Because i'd rather have a friendship than a broken heart.

A Poem for my Mum

So many memories that
i can't put on paper.
Because i can't express myself
or because i prefer to remember it.

But i want to say thank you.
Thank you for making me laugh
and for making sure there's food on the table
and for paying for music lessons that 
payed off, even if you complain about how much they cost.

You say you're so proud of me
even when i wonder what there is to be proud about
and a few days ago,
when you read those letters
and it felt like the world fell apart
for you,
i want to say that i won't go anywhere anytime soon. 
i know you love me too much 
and i love you too.

This letter is for the times that even when we argue
and don't see eye to eye over a few things,
i still love you and wouldn't trade for you any other mother.

Thank you for raising me to be the person i am,
and i hope you're happy with how i am now.

love you to the moon and back

xx

Social Anxiety

Hey!!

SO yesterday was my first day doing a weekend job at a hairdressers. I would be cleaning up hair after clients and getting drinks and doing washing up and stuff – really basic jobs. And I was cool with that.

However, about an hour after starting, I started panicking. I wasn’t talking to anyone else because I was too nervous and I started wondering if they were talking about me behind my back, laughing because I wasn’t doing well and that maybe I shouldn’t hav this job.

However, they were actually really nice but I still panicked. When I wasn’t doing any of the jobs I stayed in the staffroom and kept to myself, which looking back prooobablly didn’t actually help. I did speak to a few people and it was nice.

But when I got home I looked up the definition of social anxiety:

Social anxiety is the fear of being judged and evaluated negatively by other people, leading to feelings of inadequacy, inferiority, self-consciousness, embarrassment, humiliation, and depression.

And I related to this so much. I panicked a lot and stayed away from people, which ultimately lead to me wondering if they were judging me. There were a few times when I really wanted to cry, just sit in the bathroom and let it all out. But I didn’t, mainly because I didn’t want the other staff to notice.

Maybe a lot of people get first-day-nerves, and I wonder how they managed to overcome them.

Next week, I’ll do another post about my second day and mention if it’s getting better or worse..

Love,

Jay x

All it Took – Poem

Hey, so I’m writing poems and I want to start posting them on my blog. This is the firstone, it’s called ‘All it Took.’

Please comment down what you think of it – I need the criticism to help me get better!!

Jay xx (WARNING: Could be triggering)

All it took
was one look
in the mirror,
For her world
to turn upside down.

A bite on the lips,
A lifetime on the hips,
She took it so seriously. 

Now all she sees
are white-washed walls.
No mirror in sight.
All she can read
are numbers on a machine
teling her if she'll live 
or not.

And as she swallows
her food her
tears
turn to
dust.