Hey Guys! Guess who’s gonna be back for the next few months? ME! Tomorrow is my last day of exams whihc means that I have just over two months of relaxation. However, with England being England, the weather is awful 😦
But I thought it would be nice just to upload my playlist for the summer. WARNING: this playlist will contain a LOT of BTS so if you’re not a fan, then just ignore those songs…
Dream Glow – BTS & Charli XCX
Love Shot – EXO
Shine – Pentagon
Blue Side – J Hope
Ddaeng – BTS
Want it that way – Backstreet Boys
Do it like a Dude – Jessie J
I like me better – Lauv
Mic Drop – BTS
Lucid Dreams – Juice WRLD
Without Me – Halsey
Nightmare – Halsey
My songs know what you did in the dark – Fall Out Boy
8 – Billie Eilish
Ddu-Du Ddu-Du – Blackpink
Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen
Rocketman – Elton John
BITCH – Lennon Stella
Agust D – Agust D
Ok that’s a SNIPPET of my playlist (it goes on foreeevverrr)…
I hope to keep blogging at least once a week. Maybe tomorrow I’ll fill you all in about what has happened recently and what will happen.
So I was clearing out my wardrobe and I found this little book with a few poems. I read this one and I thought you guys might like it. WARNING: might be triggering! Jay x
She hides her tears with pretty little lies. Bad thoughts cloud her mind and she can't sleep till 4am. And noone knows, she smiles she's ok, for a while. But when the lights turn off and she's all alone. She can't find a place to stay calm so she turns to the last resort. She closes her eyes. And red falls onto the carpet. But she tells everyone she's ok, and smiles till the end of the day. And then she's alone with her self and Them.
So many memories that i can't put on paper. Because i can't express myself or because i prefer to remember it.
But i want to say thank you. Thank you for making me laugh and for making sure there's food on the table and for paying for music lessons that payed off, even if you complain about how much they cost.
You say you're so proud of me even when i wonder what there is to be proud about and a few days ago, when you read those letters and it felt like the world fell apart for you, i want to say that i won't go anywhere anytime soon. i know you love me too much and i love you too.
This letter is for the times that even when we argue
and don't see eye to eye over a few things, i still love you and wouldn't trade for you any other mother.
SO yesterday was my first day doing a weekend job at a hairdressers. I would be cleaning up hair after clients and getting drinks and doing washing up and stuff – really basic jobs. And I was cool with that.
However, about an hour after starting, I started panicking. I wasn’t talking to anyone else because I was too nervous and I started wondering if they were talking about me behind my back, laughing because I wasn’t doing well and that maybe I shouldn’t hav this job.
However, they were actually really nice but I still panicked. When I wasn’t doing any of the jobs I stayed in the staffroom and kept to myself, which looking back prooobablly didn’t actually help. I did speak to a few people and it was nice.
But when I got home I looked up the definition of social anxiety:
Social anxiety is the fear of being judged and evaluated negatively by other people, leading to feelings of inadequacy, inferiority, self-consciousness, embarrassment, humiliation, and depression.
And I related to this so much. I panicked a lot and stayed away from people, which ultimately lead to me wondering if they were judging me. There were a few times when I really wanted to cry, just sit in the bathroom and let it all out. But I didn’t, mainly because I didn’t want the other staff to notice.
Maybe a lot of people get first-day-nerves, and I wonder how they managed to overcome them.
Next week, I’ll do another post about my second day and mention if it’s getting better or worse..